When I think about it, I realise how much I value it. It sums up everything for me. In terms of who I am, what I do, where I go, what/who I encounter, the decisions I make, the actions I execute, the effect I have……on everything and everyone I come in contact with.
I’m at a point in my life where a lot of changes are due but none of them seems to be materialising. No, no, it doesn’t make me sad, not at all…..but it does make me think and thank!!!
Its the time when your peers are movin on, takin the next step, settlin down, basically paving their paths for a future with purpose and meaning. Not that mine doesn’t or isn’t going to have a meaning – just that I dont see it very clearly at this point. I just cant seem to get myself into settling down mode…..:) though hey I do look forward to it.
Anyway, what I really want to put forth is my time in the “Now” – the present. I dont regret it. Infact I’m thankful for it. I’m goin to be in between jobs very soon and that does give me a few jitters of insecurity now n then but it doesn’t unnerve me. And even though one has a bit of a vision of what one wants to do next, it isn’t a piece of cake really to make it happen. Yet, there are so many things about my independent life in Mumbai that I love and cherish that the thought of a change scares me. Gives me the feeling of a profound loss. I feel like I might lose a bit of myself if this is taken away from me……I’ve evolved as an individual here. Grown in so many ways……..become better at some and worse at others but can still tell the difference. Many people change drastically during their independent single lives. I have too. Sometimes even surprised myself :). But I think I would have felt very incomplete had I not done what I did, been where I went……Not exactly the “been there done that” scenario but close, pretty close!!
I love home and I love my family back home, but everytime i’m there I realise more n more how much I value leading life the way I want to. Its not just about basic stuff like timings to go in n out of home, what to or what not to wear etc etc – its so much about the perspectives and the thought process that develops in these two entirely different environments. Its not that I lead a very happening life away from home, I dont, but even then there seem to be so many more aspects to it here than anywhere else. So many things to deal with…….all by myself. Suck it up – face it – get on with it!!! I like that. I like that I’m thrwn into these webs n mazes and have to find my way out. They’re tiny webs but they teach me so much – about myself, my friends, colleagues, people, life…..
I’ve come across so many people who really are leading life like its an inevitability and must be borne and endured until they run out of air, but then there are also those who make me feel like i’m not making the most of mine……so i feel like someone needs to tell the former what they’re missin and lets all learn from the latter.
So basically, I consider myself very lucky and I consider this time to be one of the best years of my life…….come to think of it, it couldn’t get any better – sure there are some hitches n glitches here n there, but then thats the fun part…..coz if there are hard times there are also some very good ones!!!
On that very positive note I put dwn my virtual pen, coz its only in flashes that one realises and considers oneself lucky to be where they are rather than broood over where they’re not…….and the day I forget, well for that day I’m glad I penned it down here as a reminder that even tho it might not be great anymore, I did have some brilliant momemts that nobody could take away from me!!! 🙂