A Life of my Own!!!

When I think about it, I realise how much I value it. It sums up everything for me. In terms of who I am, what I do, where I go, what/who I encounter, the decisions I make, the actions I execute, the effect I have……on everything and everyone I come in contact with.

I’m at a point in my life where a lot of changes are due but none of them seems to be materialising. No, no, it doesn’t make me sad, not at all…..but it does make me think and thank!!!

Its the time when your peers are movin on, takin the next step, settlin down, basically paving their paths for a future with purpose and meaning. Not that mine doesn’t or isn’t going to have a meaning – just that I dont see it very clearly at this point. I just cant seem to get myself into settling down mode…..:) though hey I do look forward to it.

Anyway, what I really want to put forth is my time in the “Now” – the present. I dont regret it. Infact I’m thankful for it. I’m goin to be in between jobs very soon and that does give me a few jitters of insecurity now n then but it doesn’t unnerve me. And even though one has a bit of a vision of what one wants to do next, it isn’t a piece of cake really to make it happen. Yet, there are so many things about my independent life in Mumbai that I love and cherish that the thought of a change scares me. Gives me the feeling of a profound loss. I feel like I might lose a bit of myself if this is taken away from me……I’ve evolved as an individual here. Grown in so many ways……..become better at some and worse at others but can still tell the difference. Many people change drastically during their independent single lives. I have too. Sometimes even surprised myself . But I think I would have felt very incomplete had I not done what I did, been where I went……Not exactly the “been there done that” scenario but close, pretty close!!

I love home and I love my family back home, but everytime i’m there I realise more n more how much I value leading life the way I want to. Its not just about basic stuff like timings to go in n out of home, what to or what not to wear etc etc – its so much about the perspectives and the thought process that develops in these two entirely different environments. Its not that I lead a very happening life away from home, I dont, but even then there seem to be so many more aspects to it here than anywhere else. So many things to deal with…….all by myself. Suck it up – face it – get on with it!!! I like that. I like that I’m thrwn into these webs n mazes and have to find my way out. They’re tiny webs but they teach me so much – about myself, my friends, colleagues, people, life…..

I’ve come across so many people who really are leading life like its an evitability and must be borne and endured until they run out of air, but then there are also those who make me feel like i’m not making the most of mine……so i feel like someone needs to tell the former what they’re missin and lets all learn from the latter.

So basically,  I consider myself very lucky and I consider this time to be one of the best years of my life…….come to think of it, it couldn’t get any better – sure there are some hitches n glitches here n there, but then thats the fun part…..coz if there are hard times there are also some very good ones!!!

On that very positive note I put dwn my virtual pen, coz its only in flashes that one realises and considers oneself lucky to be where they are rather than broood over where they’re not…….and the day I forget, well for that day I’m glad I penned it down here as a reminder that even tho it might not be great anymore, I did have some brilliant momemts that nobody could take away from me!!! :)

Going bungeee crazeeee…….!!!

Yet another post I started writing in Nov last year and left incomplete. Finishing off and posted as it was…..:) Shuru kiya to khatam bhi kar hi dete hain!!!

Here’s another one of my crazy adventures.  Some might think like ”oh whats the big deal” – but believe me – when u have ta jump off 150 feet, its a big enough deal – it sure was for me, so much so that I doubt if I can do it again. 

Anyway, I was in second year grad college.  4 of us decided to go and try it out at the JawaharLal Nehru stadium in Delhi. The Mountain Dew people had organised some adventure sports to promote their drink – and of course some of us went to try out the stunt. So when we got there, we had to first buy a ticket for the particular event. It cost us 600 bucks – and being in college and not earning, that sure is a lotta money. So anyways, keeping our spirits high and excited as we were, we were led to the medical check up tent. That kind of set off alams coz now we realised the gravity of the thing we were about to try out. They took our pulse and weight and height and blood pressure and finally okayed us as “fit” to go bungee.

We got in line and watched as others took their turn and dove down from the small cage that carried them 150 feet up – with the help of a crane. We made a wise move by coming empty stomach. The one thing that comes to my mind when i visualise myself upside down is “throwing up”. So i was very particular about not eating/drinking anything before the jump.

So came my turn. I was first to go among the four of us. The strapping up in itself fills you with so much anticipation resulting in a crazy case of butterflies in stomach, plus it gets the adrenalin rushing and the sheepishest smile cuts across the face.

So up we went in this metal cage which was lifted by a huge crane. WHen we were at 150 it was time for the “leap”, and no it did nt happen just like that. It took me 6 try’s to finally let go !!! I’ll never forget that. We were higher than the stadium lights even. UFFFF the air has escaped my lungs, lips dry n shit scared. The instructor lost patience and almost asked the crane to get us back down, but luckily I asked (more like pleaded) for one last chance and was granted!!

I psyched myself, thought about how Dad did it from 20,000 feet and without a rope holdin him, and well then just leapt. Its only a matter of  a “split second” and then its over and of course you feel like a fool for taking that long to do this. As i dangled and bobbed upside down, i finally started enjoying myself. Waved out to my friends, hooted…….had some fun and was finally brought down. Of course it took sme amount of balancing to stand up staright….but I came back alive, smiling and in one piece. I know, I know – koi teer nahin maara…….but phati to thi!!!

Out of the remaining 3 from the group, only one more could do it, the other too couldnt. But hey I dont blame them…..I almst didnt d it either….tho I’m very glad I did!!!

Next stop was McDonald’s coz the stomach had to be fed. When we got there I noticed my whole face was freckled with tiny red spots. That was due to the blood rush. Also the veins in my eyes had become a darker red!!! This stayed with me for the next 3 days along with a very annoying headache……but eventually it was all good!!! And I’m glad i did it and i donno if I’ll ever do it again, though if I do do it then it has to be one of those off the bridge over a river ones!!!

MUMBAI – i’m still discovering it!!

I started writing this in Dec 08′ last year and for some reason never got to completing it. Revisited today…..and decided to publish as it is.

This is the first time I have had an urge to pen down my thoughts in this blog. I had thought it would happen much more often but I always had to think of a topic to write about. Not realizing that its just about writing randomly about the things you feel. So, this time its spontaneous and I feel a little bit like a “writer” – all brimming with things in my head that I wanna write about . And of course its what many people have written about – but here’s my version!!

I’ve been in  Mumbai for almost a year and a half and I guess thats a long time to get to know a city, but there’s something about Mumbai that it continues to be ever evolving and ever surprising. Its like a flux of so many forces, so many sounds, smells and vibrations that one can only begin to discover something new each day. Its a city that exposes you to the most vibrant and diverse aspects of the many lives that reside here, that it fills me with so much wonder at the way it is just like a mini universe in itself. You can go deep into its blood stream and get absorbed like you are a part of it all, and yet you can come out thinking and re-assessing  your own analogies for this city.

There are some very striking scenes that catch one’s eye in the day to day lives of he people here. Like every morning on my way to work I notice this old man with longish unkempt hair and shaggy clothes whose job it is to arrange the newspapers in the correct combo. The Times of India goes with the Mumbai Mirror inside and so on…..and he does his job perfectly – though I’m pretty sure he doesnt even have a clue what the papers say.  Its like a reflex action for him……something so automatic, so mechanical.

Then when I get off the local train at Andheri and head out of the station using the overbridge – there’s this ancient looking man sitting in the same spot every morning and playing the most monotonous beat over and over again on his “daffli” urging people to drop a rupee or two in his steel dubba. This man is deprived of sight which is clear from his sunk – in eye sockets, He’s also very scrawny and thin. But the rigour with which he plays that “daffli” every morning with an open toothless mouth and a funny continous shaking of his head, like only he can appreciate and enjoy the music he plays – it just makes me wonder that there are so many facets to so many peoples’ lives that go so unnoticed inthe midst of unending waves of people rushing to work or someplace important – and I get inquisitive about the life that this old old man led. What he was like when he was younger, was he happy, did he get a full stomach of food everyday and what fate brought him to the spot where he now sits and earns his daily bread, and whether he earns enough to be able have daily bread also or not.

Many poeple come to this city with a preconcieved mind set that its dirty and over populated and it stinks – which by the way are all true but still i’m unable to relate my self to these aspects which do form an inherent part of this city. What I feel closer to though is the rythm or what many call the heart beat of the city. Ever beating and never failing to make one a part of its tandem. It doesn’t matter where you came from, what you do for a living, what you wear, how you look…….its ok. You have the liberty to conduct yourself as you please and just be comfortable in your environment.

 Sure this attitude reflects even when things go really wrong, and maybe that sends the wrong signal to a lotta characters out there who are waiting for an opportunity to strike. Like the 26/11 terror attacks in South Bombay. What an unnecessary waste of life, resourses, heritage. But the city bounced back. Yes, I appreciate how quickly Mumbai gets back into groove but No, I do not always agree with it. It frustrates me to see how the masses just takes, suffers and moves on with whatever is thrwn their way. We talk about how the masses are helpless and can hardly influence the regulators or put enough pressure on them to get their act straight, but this incident is marked by the fact that most of the victims were part of the elite class of Mumbai and what rose as a major issue finally also fell pray to the news coverage agenda……as long as the news people didn’t make a big deal about it, there wasn’t a need to consider it a big deal either, ofcourse, that excludes the people who suffered the loss of their loved ones. But this discussion never gets me anywhere except building up a whole lotta frustration. So topic change – bol diya jo bolna tha!!

So to sum up, I love where i live, hoping to start loving what I do for a living and I know for a fact that this is the one and only place where I would be the happiest as long as my status remains “Solo” !!